No.285
Muddskippers. Do you like them? Would you like to have sex with it? I think there is obvious contempt people openly express. When I look at jews writing in bios, I am like this is kind of bullying. Maybe, bullying is also open human nature anywhere too. I feel shitty, not desired. Unwanted. I should probably step up and think outside of something that is improbable. My life is very miserable. I remember seeing people who are miserable. I wonder if I could somehow… No, I'd rather not be nail in their grave. Writing this feels like stomach ache. Stomach pain. IT's just so immesurable. Why does stomach pain hurt so much? I feel like I'll just be getting older and die. Dying fart. Oh, that feels painful too. Knowing the consequence. The pain. Dying isn't worst when it's pain. Dying is worse when it feels like being broken, like when you think evil and good. When you feel that you dying is evil, and that what brings me hurt. True hurt. If I die, then it will die. IT will feel like to lose. Like evil winning, though.
I don't know. I wanted to just share things with you. I don't know that much though, my life has been pretty silent. Feeling of silence. It's sad.
I never experienced friendship or such. More, I don't know much about enjoyment. Everyone seems to feel great and warm deep inside them. It seems I am the only one who feels not just that I am not enjoying, though that I cannot enjoy. Like I am banned from it. I felt that for long times. That denial. That denial of someonew who is always picked the last in basketball team. I was just loser? No, maybe I can't feel. Maybe, I can't do things the same as proud of heart. Empty, silence and losing is so fucking bad.
